No Small Talk, Episode 13 “Strangle You In The Huddle”

The famed author, Chuck Klosterman, created intricate questions in an attempt to avoid “small talk.” Per his words: “Some people are extremely good at making small talk. These people are better known as ‘idiots’. “

Having all their conversations be nothing but small, Matthew Ryan and Stephanie Sottile thought it’d be fun to answer some of these questions:

  1.  You need to have the inside of your home painted. A thorough online search available professional painters indicates that one candidate is especially ideal for your needs- he has earned high approval ratings from past employers and is relatively inexpensive. However, when you contact him by phone, he mentions one strange detail about his work habits: He insists on watching pornography while painting. “Don’t worry- I don’t masturbate to it. It’s just for entertainment,” he says. “But it’s the only way I like to paint. This being the case, I will need to use your DVD player to view my personal collection of erotic films while I work. I may also use your cable service to purchase on-demand or pay-per-view pornographic movies, but I will itemize any movies I watch and subtract the cost from you overall bill.”

Do you employ this pornography enthusiast as your house painter?

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No Small Talk, Episode 12 “Mail Time!”

The famed author, Chuck Klosterman, created intricate questions in an attempt to avoid “small talk.” Per his words: “Some people are extremely good at making small talk. These people are better known as ‘idiots’. “

Having all their conversations be nothing but small, Matthew Ryan and Stephanie Sottile thought it’d be fun to answer some of these questions…BUT NOT THIS WEEK!

Our esteemed hosts thought it might be fun to do something different this week and bring emails they received into their conversations. Instead of answering Chuck Klosterman’s questions, they would answer some of the fans’ questions! Wrestling, Seinfeld, rape-filled references in old cartoons, and oral history about oral histories.

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No Small Talk, Episode 11 “Point Break With Elephants”

 

The famed author, Chuck Klosterman, created intricate questions in an attempt to avoid “small talk.” Per his words: “Some people are extremely good at making small talk. These people are better known as ‘idiots’. “

Having all their conversations be nothing but small, Matthew Ryan and Stephanie Sottile thought it’d be fun to answer some of these questions:

    1. 1. Let us assume that you have the ability to telekinetically change culture when you actively experience it. Your mind can now dictate what you see and hear. For example, if you were listening to Pearl Jam’s Yield and you wanted the music to be heavier, it would immediately sound as though Mike McCready’s guitar had been tuned differently in the studio. If you were watching The Office on NBC and decided that Jim should marry Pam (or Karen, or both), you could make it happen- all you would need to do is think about that specific desire. You could stare at an oil painting and unconsciously change the color contrasts. If a PG-13 romantic comedy grew dull, you could force it to evolve into an eroticized NC-17 thriller. You could (essentially) write books as you read them, eliminating certain characters and redirecting plot points as they occurred in the text. However, such changed would only apply to your experience; you could kill off Han Solo at the end of Return Of The Jedi, but that would not change the movie for anyone else. All other people would possess the same personal psychic powers as you.

    Would you want this ability? And- if this became reality- would art retain any meaning whatsoever?

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No Small Talk, Episode 10 “Vomit In Your Own House”

 

The famed author, Chuck Klosterman, created intricate questions in an attempt to avoid “small talk.” Per his words: “Some people are extremely good at making small talk. These people are better known as ‘idiots’. “

Having all their conversations be nothing but small, Matthew Ryan and Stephanie Sottile thought it’d be fun to answer some of these questions:

  1. 1.You work in an office. Generally, you are popular with your coworkers. However, you discover that there are currently two rumors circulating the office gossip mill, and both involve you. The first rumor is that you got drunk at the office holiday party and had sex with one of your married coworkers. This rumor is completely true, but most people don’t believe it. The second rumor is that you have been stealing hundreds of dollars of office supplies (and then selling them to cover a gambling debt). This rumor is completely false, but virtually everyone assumes it is factual.

Which of these two rumors is most troubling to you?

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No Small Talk Episode 9, “Mr. Richard Bra”

 

The famed author, Chuck Klosterman, created intricate questions in an attempt to avoid “small talk.” Per his words: “Some people are extremely good at making small talk. These people are better known as ‘idiots’. “

Having all their conversations be nothing but small, Matthew Ryan and Stephanie Sottile thought it’d be fun to answer some of these questions:

  1. 1. Imagine you could go back to the age of five and relive the rest of your life, knowing everything that you know now. You will re-experience your entire adolescence with both the cognitive ability of an adult and the memories of everything you’ve learned from having lived your life previously.

Would you lose your virginity earlier or later than you did the first time around (and by how many years)?

 

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No Small Talk, Episode 8, “Pirate Baby Boxing Match”

The famed author, Chuck Klosterman, created intricate questions in an attempt to avoid “small talk.” Per his words: “Some people are extremely good at making small talk. These people are better known as ‘idiots’. “

Having all their conversations be nothing but small, Matthew Ryan and Stephanie Sottile thought it’d be fun to answer some of these questions:

  1. 1. You are placed in the unenviable position of having to compete for the right to stay alive. You will be matched against a person of your own gender in a series of five events: an 800-meter run, a game of Scrabble, a three-round boxing match, a debate over the legalization of late-term abortion (scored and officiated by reputable collegiate judges), and the math portion of the SAT.

In order to survive, you must win at least three of these events (your opponent will be playing for his or her life as well). However, you (kind of) get to pick your opponent: You can either (a) compete against a person selected at random, or (b) compete against someone who is exactly like you. If selected at random, the individual could be of any age or skill level- he/she might be an infant with Down Syndrome, but this person might also be an Academic All-American linebacker from Notre Dame. If you pick “the average human,” he/she will be precisely your age and will have an identical level of education. The person will be a perfect cross-section of your particular demographic- he/she will be of average height and of average weight, with a standard IQ and the most normative life experience imaginable.

So, whom do you select? Or- perhaps more accurately- do you feel that you are better than an average version of yourself?

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No Small Talk, Episode 7, “Justin Bieber Is A Vacuum”

 

The famed author, Chuck Klosterman, created intricate questions in an attempt to avoid “small talk.” Per his words: “Some people are extremely good at making small talk. These people are better known as ‘idiots’. “

Having all their conversations be nothing but small, Matthew Ryan and Stephanie Sottile thought it’d be fun to answer some of these questions:

  1. 1. You are given the opportunity to create and direct a feature film. The studio offers you a huge budget, provides you with a top-notch writing and technical staff, and allows you to cast whomever you desire in the lead roles. There are essentially no limitations on what this movie can be-except for two. The movie you make has to fulfill the following two criteria:
  1. It has to be extremely edgy and transgressive. You need to confront taboo social issues. You need to shock people. Ideally, the film will address ideas that have never been tackled by mainstream filmmakers. In fact, if this movie is not the most controversial film of the year, the studio will probably not release it. However:
  2. It has to get a PG rating. It cannot be R or even PG-13. There may be limited profanity, minor depictions of violence, and fleeting nudity, but nothing that would prompt the ratings board to go beyond the PG classification.

What is the premise and plot of your hypothetical movie?

 

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