No Small Talk, Episode 20, “When Are They Coming Back?,”

 

The famed author, Chuck Klosterman, created intricate questions in an attempt to avoid “small talk.” Per his words: “Some people are extremely good at making small talk. These people are better known as ‘idiots’. “

Having all their conversations be nothing but small, Matthew Ryan and Stephanie Sottile thought it’d be fun to answer some of these questions:

IT’S OUR SEASON FINALE!

Matt and Stephanie are taking a bit of a break so for the season finale, they thought they’d ask ALL the questions…in the form of The Newlywed Game. Everything from favorite food to which celebrity they’d bring back from the dead…before the break, you get to learn a little more about your hosts from the last 20 weeks.

Thanks to all our listeners for a very fun first season! We’ll be back soon!
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No Small Talk, Episode 15: Rest in Peace Evel Knievel

The famed author, Chuck Klosterman, created intricate questions in an attempt to avoid “small talk.” Per his words: “Some people are extremely good at making small talk. These people are better known as ‘idiots’. “

Having all their conversations be nothing but small, Matthew Ryan and Stephanie Sottile thought it’d be fun to answer some of these questions:

    You are given a choice between two rewards. The first reward us to be twice as intelligent as you are right now-you’ll be able to read twice as fast and remember twice as much, the size of your vocabulary will double, and you’ll be able to solve intellectual problems with twice your current aptitude. The second reward is that you will never again feel sick (even when you are) and you can always be whatever weight you want, regardless of what you eat or how little you exercise-you can simply imagine the body you would like to have and that is the weight you will magically become.

Which reward do you choose?

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No Small Talk, Episode 13 “Strangle You In The Huddle”

The famed author, Chuck Klosterman, created intricate questions in an attempt to avoid “small talk.” Per his words: “Some people are extremely good at making small talk. These people are better known as ‘idiots’. “

Having all their conversations be nothing but small, Matthew Ryan and Stephanie Sottile thought it’d be fun to answer some of these questions:

  1.  You need to have the inside of your home painted. A thorough online search available professional painters indicates that one candidate is especially ideal for your needs- he has earned high approval ratings from past employers and is relatively inexpensive. However, when you contact him by phone, he mentions one strange detail about his work habits: He insists on watching pornography while painting. “Don’t worry- I don’t masturbate to it. It’s just for entertainment,” he says. “But it’s the only way I like to paint. This being the case, I will need to use your DVD player to view my personal collection of erotic films while I work. I may also use your cable service to purchase on-demand or pay-per-view pornographic movies, but I will itemize any movies I watch and subtract the cost from you overall bill.”

Do you employ this pornography enthusiast as your house painter?

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No Small Talk Episode 9, “Mr. Richard Bra”

 

The famed author, Chuck Klosterman, created intricate questions in an attempt to avoid “small talk.” Per his words: “Some people are extremely good at making small talk. These people are better known as ‘idiots’. “

Having all their conversations be nothing but small, Matthew Ryan and Stephanie Sottile thought it’d be fun to answer some of these questions:

  1. 1. Imagine you could go back to the age of five and relive the rest of your life, knowing everything that you know now. You will re-experience your entire adolescence with both the cognitive ability of an adult and the memories of everything you’ve learned from having lived your life previously.

Would you lose your virginity earlier or later than you did the first time around (and by how many years)?

 

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No Small Talk, Episode 8, “Pirate Baby Boxing Match”

The famed author, Chuck Klosterman, created intricate questions in an attempt to avoid “small talk.” Per his words: “Some people are extremely good at making small talk. These people are better known as ‘idiots’. “

Having all their conversations be nothing but small, Matthew Ryan and Stephanie Sottile thought it’d be fun to answer some of these questions:

  1. 1. You are placed in the unenviable position of having to compete for the right to stay alive. You will be matched against a person of your own gender in a series of five events: an 800-meter run, a game of Scrabble, a three-round boxing match, a debate over the legalization of late-term abortion (scored and officiated by reputable collegiate judges), and the math portion of the SAT.

In order to survive, you must win at least three of these events (your opponent will be playing for his or her life as well). However, you (kind of) get to pick your opponent: You can either (a) compete against a person selected at random, or (b) compete against someone who is exactly like you. If selected at random, the individual could be of any age or skill level- he/she might be an infant with Down Syndrome, but this person might also be an Academic All-American linebacker from Notre Dame. If you pick “the average human,” he/she will be precisely your age and will have an identical level of education. The person will be a perfect cross-section of your particular demographic- he/she will be of average height and of average weight, with a standard IQ and the most normative life experience imaginable.

So, whom do you select? Or- perhaps more accurately- do you feel that you are better than an average version of yourself?

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No Small Talk, Episode 6, “Icing On The Sex Cake”, 2/16/15

The famed author, Chuck Klosterman, created intricate questions in an attempt to avoid “small talk.” Per his words:“Some people are extremely good at making small talk. These people are better known as ‘idiots’. “

Having all their conversations be nothing but small, Matthew Ryan and Stephanie Sottile thought it’d be fun to answer some of these questions:

1. You encounter a boulevard filled with homeless people, human waste, and dried blood. There are at least 50 people lying in the street—men, women, and teenagers. It’s the middle of summer, and none of them have bathed in weeks. A few are crackheads. Most are intoxicated. A handful are mentally insane. All are hungry and desperate. Suddenly, you are granted an incredible capability: If you have unprotected intercourse with any one of these individuals—right then and there, immediately, on the sidewalk, in public—you will end worldwide homelesssness forever. Within five years, no one will ever homeless again, and everyone will know it was because of your selflessness (however, if you elect not to do this, no one will ever know you had this opportunity—you will not be held accountable for choosing to do nothing).

2. You are close friends with a wonderful 30-year old woman who has never been in a romantic relationship. At long last, she meets a man she seems to like (and who likes her). He is 35, a successful architect, relatively attractive, and refreshingly unguarded. In fact, he is so unguarded that—during the first meal you ever share with him—he stoically tells the entire table a stunning story. This is his anecdote: “When I was twelve years old, I was playing with my neighbor on a railroad bridge near our home. No one else was around. We got into an argument, and I pushed him off the bridge, killing him instantly. I told everyone it was an accident and I never got into any trouble, but I knew what I was doing. At the time, I truly wanted to kill him. Now, in retrospect, it was obviously wrong. I wish I had not killed that person. But that was twenty-three years ago. Little kids do crazy things. You know how it goes.”

The next day, your female friend asks if she could continue pursuing this relationship. How do you advise her?

 

 

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